And more: what are the sexual fantasies of men and women more and less recurrent
It’s no use trying to explain the difference to your brain: imagining a scene is tantamount to doing it. Reading an erotic novel, for example, activates the left temporal lobe, involved in the processing of motor and sensory activities. The more intense the imagination, the more physical and chemical reactions.
It is no wonder that the book Fifty Tons of Gray has led many readers to seek in real life experiences like those described in the plot, which tells the story of a domineering millionaire and a young submissive. According to the Brazilian Association of Companies of the Erotic and Sensual Markets, sales of sadomasochistic accessories for men and women grew 35% in 2012, when the book was launched. The success motivated the creation of new lines of handcuffs, sales, whips and leather lingerie.
Each has a way to feel excited. But all paths go through the same mechanism: to create an emotionally secure environment to let the horns rise. So the American psychoanalyst Michael Bader believes, fantasies are liberating.
For some, it is good to do something that seems to be forbidden or breaks with moral and cultural precepts, learning what is right and wrong. For others, nothing is better than a man in uniform or imagine being caught unawares in a day-to-day situation. For example, if you were soaking in the hospital and the cat nurse or the handsome doctor did not resist your charms. Not even in thought, because fantasies do not necessarily need reality to shiver the senses.
According to a survey of an online store of erotic products, Loja do Prazer, the most sold clothes are, in this order, nurse, schoolgirl, maid, flight attendant and bride; policeman, fireman, doctor, sailor and soldier.
But the fantasy world is unlimited. So some people find satisfaction with statues, cars, party balloons. Bizarre? What is strange for one is certainly normal for someone else somewhere on the planet. With food it is like that. Monkey brain is a delicacy in Africa. Toasted ant ass is a delicious treat for many Indians and caipiras families of southeastern Brazil. When we have pleasure with someone, an experience, a position, an environment, an object, we want to repeat the dose and period. For less conventional that such taste is.
A survey of the University of Montreal in Canada investigated which fantasies were considered abnormal or atypical and which were common, according to the opinion of 1,517 adults. They responded to a questionnaire about bedtime habits, rated fantasies on a scale of 0 (not interested) to 10 (strongly interested) and described in detail the preferred one.
The results indicated that men fantasize more than women and report their tares better. The female wing is more inhibited to go into detail and makes a clear distinction between fantasy and desire. A high percentage of them, from 30% to 60%, have libidinous thoughts involving submission. But many have pointed out that they would not like this fantasy to come to fruition – it’s just an imagination, not a real will.
They often imagine having sex with their partner; them, in extramarital affairs. According to the score they received, the fantasies were divided between rare (from zero to 2.3% of votes), unusual (15.9% or less), typical (more than 84.1%) and common, encompassing the remainder – and most – of the results.
Erotic or romantic thoughts even help solve problems and increase creativity. Imagine only sex activates only a brain region, the reward center. It is what is called focused activity, which favors attention to detail and brings benefits when it is necessary to find practical solutions to overcome difficulties.
When you think of love – for example, at a candlelit dinner permeated by caresses and passionate glances – the cells make several different connections because other emotions and actions are involved. Mentally building the complete scene trains regions linked to creativity and global vision.
Scientists from two Dutch universities and a German university verified the thesis by asking 30 volunteers to imagine a long walk alongside the loved one. Another 30 participants should think about sex with someone they did not have involvement with. Then everyone responded to a test. The group of romantics did better on creative issues than analytics, and the casual encounter group scored well on analytics and bad on creative ones.
Going to erotic videos also works like pepper in rice and beans. Porn touches real life for several reasons. One is related to mirror neurons, which mimic what they pick up. Do you know when we feel like yawning just from seeing someone else doing it? So are mirror neurons acting. When you watch an erotic movie, you may be motivated to have more sex and to get undressed in bed.
Generally, women prefer movies that suggest some kind of emotion. Men like more explicit anatomy scenes. American researcher Barry Komisaruk of Rutgers University has monitored the brain activity of volunteers and found that in them, during arousal and orgasm, the sensory cortex is the first region to be stimulated. This area processes sensory information related to empathy. In them, it is the vision. From there the female predisposition to search the videos for some plot, to have some identification. As the masculine brain delights with the images, gynecological closes usually take care of the message.
A survey by PlayboyTV, which owns Sextreme, Sexy Hot, Private, Playboy TV, Venus and For Man channels, showed that 46% of viewers – men and women – consider it essential that an erotic movie have a good story and 63% natural to unreal scenes. Aware of this, the porn industry is increasingly interested in attracting the attention of those who are not just excited by genital juggling. You have already measured the result. In 2010, women represented 49% of the signatures of paid erotic channels. In 2014, the number rose to 54%, that is, the majority of viewers.
Still, it has to be said that erections, ejaculations, and sizes are exaggerated in the private world. Wanting to reproduce them faithfully is a short path to frustration. And frustration is synonymous with libido cooling. For women, the effect is even more intense. A study from California and Tennessee universities found that the more films the husband or boyfriend viewed, the lower their partner’s self-esteem.
It has to do with what researchers at the University of Denver found after evaluating the routine of 2,291 couples. Some of them watched erotic movies with their partner. Another via pornography alone. Who was not a porn fan felt sexually more satisfied than the rest. The group that watched the movies with two had more active sex life and was more dedicated to the other, but the side effect was that they were more willing to betray.
So far, we are talking about reading and seeing erotic scenes and the stimulation that this can give to the sex life. It is different from addiction to pornography, which, like any other addiction, causes people to seek pleasure for pleasure. It is the discharge of dopamine that matters, not the caresses, the kisses, the smells and tastes.
You do not even have to spend your nights wandering around click-through to experience instant pleasure in series. Tannings and comments on Facebook stimulate the same brain-driven sex region: the nucleus acumbens. Researchers at the Free University of Berlin detected an intense activity in this area, linked to the reward center, when the participants received positive comments on the messages posted. Another study, from Harvard University, also found a relationship between the use of social networks and the pleasure they provide. Talking about yourself induces the production of dopamine in a manner similar to what occurs in sexual arousal.
The proliferation of sources of pleasure and free access to them – greasy food, porn sites tanned on social networks – may be behind the decrease in the amount of times a couple have sex today. After assessing the sex lives of 15,000 British adults and comparing studies conducted in the 1990s, researchers at College London concluded that the monthly number of relationships fell from five to three. Therefore, psychology warns: lack of suckling can be detrimental to the health of the relationship.